Lately I’ve been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone more and more. I’m only twenty-four soon to be twenty-five, I shouldn’t be so scared to do so many things. I am now on anxiety medicine and I’m not ashamed of that, it’s something that I have dealt with for awhile without the proper help. I finally admitted that I couldn’t do it alone anymore and spoke with my doctor. She told me that once it got in my system that I would find myself less afraid to do things that would normally have me in a puddle on the floor from fear. It was a slow process but I was able to go to a neighborhood party with my husband and be social in July. It wasn’t something that I really enjoyed because that’s just not my scene and thankfully it’s not his either. I have been able to drive myself places- which is something that used to terrify me to no end. In fact I just drove myself to the doctor last week and was able to get blood drawn like a big girl. I used to be so afraid that I would pass out when they drew my blood that I would ask them to let me lie down. Not anymore, I put my big girl pants on and got shit done.
I recently traveled with my husband and went on an airplane and everything. I’m not really afraid of flying, it’s the stress of the airport that’s always gotten me before. I’m technically still traveling because I’m not home yet but still, this is something that would have had me panicking for weeks but I feel fine. I have two social events to go to with him while we’re here and I had a minor freak out about that but I’m fine now. Socializing with new people is my trigger for anxiety, that and driving.
I have been contacting more people about reviews and trying to get into reviewing for publishers (trying). I finished my first book and without editing it sent it to my best friend/ beta reader which is stupid and scary but she made me do it. Plus, I know that she won’t judge it even though it hasn’t been edited yet. I wrote a short story for a contest last year and came in third place, that is never something I would have done before. I wrote another short story just for the hell of it and my husband put it on Reddit. That was scary too .
There have been so many milestones in my life that I think anxiety would have stopped me from achieving. Admitting that I had a problem and needed help was a huge thing for me. Thankfully I have an amazing doctor that knew just what I needed that wouldn’t change my personality or make me feel worse. I know this is not something that most people want to talk about because they may be embarrassed but I’m not.